Polyamory and Science TOGETHER? Wait… What?
Welcome to the inaugural post. This is our first date and I would like to spend it delving a little deeper into what we hope to accomplish here, and how we hope to accomplish it. I know, it’s not the most exciting first date, but really it’s no worse than sitting next to each other in a crowded theater watching the millionth installment of the American Pie franchise.
In a lot of ways, polyamory is fundamentally the same as any other type of intimate relationship configuration. Sure, there are unique attributes to being polyamorous (free childcare, anyone?), but for the most part dating and loving are fairly static processes regardless your relationship lifestyle. Even though there might be more opportunities to date as a poly person, the actual process of going on a date, learning new things about new people, and potentially falling in love is similar to any other person (poly, monogamous, or otherwise). Polyamorous folks experience most of the same highs and lows that monogamous folks experience. We experience the same jealousy, disappointment, excitement, and arousal (yes, arousal). Being polyamorous doesn’t mean you won’t face conflicts in your relationships or lose sleep over the incredible excitement of new love.
That being said (er, written), most advice and information aimed at the dating/relationship world is easily applicable to the polyamorous community. In many ways, us polys are not so different than the monos. In fact, on the very same night a few years ago, my date and my monogamous friend’s date pulled the same “I’ll call you in three days-but if I don’t it’s not you-but it might be you-but it might not-but I might call you in one day, not because I’m clingy but because I have some free time” stunt. At this point, you might be asking what’s your damn point? Fair enough.
The point here is to have a healthy mixture of anecdotal events about living life, making connections, falling and staying in love, and handling relationships in a healthy way, straight from the lives of poly individuals, to provide context for otherwise complex technical reading material about statistical analyses (although, some people are way into this kind of thing). With a background in psychology and philosophy, and a specialty of relationship and sex research, I want to help provide a resource where poly folks can utilize (relatively) unbiased information about relationships to help navigate the often-complicated life of polyamory. Most of the content here will be a compilation of diverse experiences (both our own and those of other contributors), with a whisper of knowledge gleaned from the research world.
There is not much research out there in respect to polyamory specifically. Don’t get me wrong, there is definitely some, and what does exist is both fascinating and well done, but there still tends to be a lack thereof in the research community. I myself am a budding researcher of polyamory, and I know a few other brilliant researchers who have dedicated some or all of their career to researching polyamory and non-monogamy. Wherever I can get away with it I’ll provide this information, but keep in mind that most of the research done in relationships and sexuality has been aimed at the hetero-mono-normative community. Just as a small disclaimer.
We will aim for one original post each Saturday, as well as one “Ask Poly Chick/Dude” Q&A post every Tuesday (alternating). If for some reason there is a gap between posts that is longer than this, it’s probably because we don’t have new material, we are too swamped with less interesting things, or we have come down with a disabling illness, like Hemorrhagic Smallpox (in which case, we have bigger problems). There might also be more frequent posts sometimes as we see fit.
So then, we look forward to sharing this journey with all of you as we work together to understand the intricate world of love, life, and polyamory!
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